I haven't spoken to my brother, the middle one, for about 2 years now, except to congratulate him on his engagement. This is due to an embarrassing law-suit between us, due to past invoice payments he owes me but refuses to pay. This refusal arises out of an urgent sense of defensive pride on his part, partially because of an argument he and my boyfriend got into about the situation, completely outside of the realm of my influence. Every step of the way, I have attempted to settle things in a civil manner, and every step of the way he and his attorney have responded with what I consider to be unethical and dishonest methods in order to stall progression and further exacerbate the matter at hand. It is completely confusing to my mother and I, as to why this is still ongoing, and moving into its third year of being. It is dreadfully sad that this is happening, as our family is never whole in a gathering again. I vacillate between forgiveness and anger, since I both understand why my brother is acting the way he is, as I have always seen him for who he is and have loved him regardless of the worse parts of his behavior, and extreme anger that he has turned a simple accounting situation into a legal battle that has hurt the entire family and spread out to affect our common circle of friends. I feel like we are too old for him to be behaving in such an irrational manner. I just want this over, the family just wants this over, and there is no give on his end. I am angry that I have had to now add attorney fees onto the monies already due me, simply because he refuses to sit down with some check copies and my invoices and compare the balances. An issue that could have been resolved in, at most, a matter of hours, has now become an uncertain number of years to come.
Mostly, I try not to dwell on the situation as often as possible, because it causes me great anxiety. Mainly, because I can not comprehend how my brother could know me so little, that he would accuse me of trying to fleece him in some manner, that he would believe I would ever be dishonest with him or try to cheat him of something. I believe that it quite honestly angers me, that he has such a skewed perspective of who I am. Friends see me more clearly than he does.
I can only hope, that once this ordeal is over with, and I have won the case, because I will, that he will somehow find a way to sit down with himself and perhaps question his perception of things. Perhaps, question why he believed his attorney over his sister. Perhaps, question why he believes someone who has never hurt him, who has always defended and tried to uplift him, would ever try to maliciously harm him, the way he is painting the picture now. I do not have great faith in this regard, but I do have hope. In the end, sometimes hope holds the door open enough for healing.
