Friday, August 22, 2014

Not quite bad bad Leroy Brown

Holy crap, did I wake up angry this morning. "Meaner than a junkyard dog", indeed. Crazy dreams and interrupted sleep do not good bedfellows make. I'm finally feeling a little bit more human, thank you coffee. This condition seems to set my imagination during REM times into high gear.

We're going to look at a house today. Trying not to get my hopes up, because the odds that you find "the one" your first appointment you make are not high....but it is a really nice house, in a really nice location, and unbelievably inexpensive for the neighborhood it is in. Wish us luck!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Let's Make Every Title a Song

Well, I believe that no news is no news, at this point. I went for an interview at the Tax Assessor's Office last week (Tuesday) and they said they'd make their decision in a few days. As I haven't heard anything back from them, I sent an email to my interviewer this morning, asking her to confirm that I wasn't their decision, so I could pursue other avenues. Especially, since time is of the essence, at this point, for reasons we will discuss later. I haven't heard back from her, however, so the wait lingers.

I envy people who trust easily, and at the same time find them to be hopelessly naive. My closest friends are few and far between because of my deep distrust of people. I need to see them more often, though. Damn introvertedness.

Monday, August 4, 2014

I see your lips moving but all I hear is blahblahblah

Every time you open your mouth in ignorance, you cause further damage.

Go get your learn on.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

How you know someone

I haven't spoken to my brother, the middle one, for about 2 years now, except to congratulate him on his engagement. This is due to an embarrassing law-suit between us, due to past invoice payments he owes me but refuses to pay. This refusal arises out of an urgent sense of defensive pride on his part, partially because of an argument he and my boyfriend got into about the situation, completely outside of the realm of my influence. Every step of the way, I have attempted to settle things in a civil manner, and every step of the way he and his attorney have responded with what I consider to be unethical and dishonest methods in order to stall progression and further exacerbate the matter at hand. It is completely confusing to my mother and I, as to why this is still ongoing, and moving into its third year of being. It is dreadfully sad that this is happening, as our family is never whole in a gathering again. I vacillate between forgiveness and anger, since I both understand why my brother is acting the way he is, as I have always seen him for who he is and have loved him regardless of the worse parts of his behavior, and extreme anger that he has turned a simple accounting situation into a legal battle that has hurt the entire family and spread out to affect our common circle of friends. I feel like we are too old for him to be behaving in such an irrational manner. I just want this over, the family just wants this over, and there is no give on his end. I am angry that I have had to now add attorney fees onto the monies already due me, simply because he refuses to sit down with some check copies and my invoices and compare the balances. An issue that could have been resolved in, at most, a matter of hours, has now become an uncertain number of years to come.

Mostly, I try not to dwell on the situation as often as possible, because it causes me great anxiety. Mainly, because I can not comprehend how my brother could know me so little, that he would accuse me of trying to fleece him in some manner, that he would believe I would ever be dishonest with him or try to cheat him of something. I believe that it quite honestly angers me, that he has such a skewed perspective of who I am. Friends see me more clearly than he does.

I can only hope, that once this ordeal is over with, and I have won the case, because I will, that he will somehow find a way to sit down with himself and perhaps question his perception of things. Perhaps, question why he believed his attorney over his sister. Perhaps, question why he believes someone who has never hurt him, who has always defended and tried to uplift him, would ever try to maliciously harm him, the way he is painting the picture now. I do not have great faith in this regard, but I do have hope. In the end, sometimes hope holds the door open enough for healing.