I'm getting back to easy, but I woke up angry this morning. I hate that. I had this dream where my sister in law and I were in a law library in Atlanta and I was trying to make an interview with a real estate attorney in Sandy Springs, but for some reason Sandy Springs now had a mandatory siesta time of 3-4pm every day. My sister in law had been ordering wine and I was enjoying visiting with her, as we rarely see or talk to each other due to my relationship with my brother. Suddenly, it was pointed out to me that it was almost 4, so I slid down tight stair railings and ran and pulled a train door open to catch the one just leaving. Unfortunately, I could not catch the one leaving at the next station, and I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to the attorney's office before 5pm. Then my brother showed up talking about how it wasn't surprising and I probably planned it on purpose so I could blame it on my sister in law. Then I was in my current job, but it also was my old corner office at work in Atlanta, and I was answering a co-worker's questions about a piece of property, and my boss (current boss) came in and said something to me about not getting enough work done and fooling around, interrupting the information I was giving to my co-worker (who wasn't actually a co-worker I have, but some guy named Patrick who vaguely resembled someone I may have seen on a tv show). I was very frustrated and asked him what he was talking about, I did the workload of two people, that's why there were hundred of entries with my name on them, why there were over 2000 parcels and counting that I had audited and fixed. He wouldn't listen and left the room. My assistant manager came in then with my manager's number on a post-it note and said to call her and say it was an emergency. I said I had already called her and went and met my manager in her office, where there were 3 giant bags of my possessions packed in her office (including one giant version of my old traveling soccer bag). My manager said she knew I was a hard and detailed worker and she had plenty of evidence to such but that for some reason my boss wouldn't look at it. and then I woke up.
Having written that out, I feel a bit better. I can tell what a lot of that is referencing. It touches on my distrust of certain people in my family to actually be honest and do the right thing. It definitely reflects my job search frustration and how limited I feel after moving back here from Atlanta. There's a transposition of old boss/new boss behavior in there. My new boss is actually not that aggressive and wouldn't handle any situation like the one in my dream. Also, I do not have a corner office here, I have a cubicle. Which is fine. I liked having my own office space, but wherever I can get my work done, I can adapt. I am definitely experiencing frustrations with having evidence of my accomplishments and people refusing to see them, or acknowledge my worth. I also feel held back and unable to progress in my job, currently, and this was probably a bit of a manifestation of my desire to be given the new auditor position they are creating, and knowing that it probably won't happen because, despite my knowledge and abilities and having been there 2.5 years, I am one of the two newest hires in our section of the department. I don't really care that much about money, but I know a significant raise would assist me in a speedier arrival at achieving all of my fiscal goals. While I am eternally grateful for the help I have received from those around me, I am tired of lingering under the miasma of debt without immediate purpose.
The girls and I had a good day yesterday. My baby was so exhausted from fun and activities that she slept through the night without waking once and was quite the delirious and ornery lunatic prior to going to sleep. I gave them plums for breakfast at the house, and then we went to Dunkin Donuts and they each had a doughnut. (I told my oldest that twice a month, after I got my paycheck, we could have a small breakfast out, and an evening meal at a restaurant.) Then we went down to the market by the river that takes place every Saturday morning from spring through fall. We bought some rosemary bread, and some fancy popcorn. They petted about 20 dogs. Then I stumbled upon a sale of handsewn or embroidered children's clothes for $3 each and bought the girls some cute stuff, including a Holly Hobby dress and a Disgust t-shirt (with sequin hair!). I was able to pay for it after I rescued the fistfuls of silver necklaces that my magpie baby had captured and attempted to run off with. On our way back to the car, we purchased a little purple succulent plant (they didn't want a green one), which was thankfully sturdy enough to survive the bag ride my baby gave it. We got our traditional pina colada drink, the baby had a meltdown until I told her she was upsetting the doggies around her, and then we got some flavored honey sticks (and a small honey bear for their dad) and sat on the stairs of the old bank building for a while. Then, I had to strongarm hold the baby to the car as she shrieked and wailed that she "I no wanta nap! I don't!" and wrestled her into the car sear and got her to drink some water as she snuffled. She calmed down once I reminded her we were going to the park to have our picnic. I had packed little half sandwiches of cracked pepper turkey breast with either provolone or colby jack cheese, on honey wheat bread, and had brought some small bags of chips. The girls ran and ran over the grassy field and the oldest gave pointers to the man playing disc golf, mainly as to how many times he missed. Then we packed everything up and went home for naps, which were sorely needed. After naps, we went down to the local bookstore for Indie Book Store Day, where the girls scored 5 children's books, including a Darkwing Duck Little Golden Book, which I didn't even know existed. Then we went and had dinner at Applebee's per my eldest's request, and came home to watch Kubo and the Two Strings, which is amazing. We played the soundtrack for their bedtime music. The baby went down first and the eldest and I stayed up talking and drinking hot cocoa for a moment.
It was a good day. We had plans for more playground and park today (a different location) but I've just been informed that someone is changing those plans. I wish people would sit and talk things out instead of just deciding that what they want to happen at any given moment is the only right and true option. Communication, or the attempt at such, should not be so exhausting or difficult.
I hope you have a beautiful day.
Having written that out, I feel a bit better. I can tell what a lot of that is referencing. It touches on my distrust of certain people in my family to actually be honest and do the right thing. It definitely reflects my job search frustration and how limited I feel after moving back here from Atlanta. There's a transposition of old boss/new boss behavior in there. My new boss is actually not that aggressive and wouldn't handle any situation like the one in my dream. Also, I do not have a corner office here, I have a cubicle. Which is fine. I liked having my own office space, but wherever I can get my work done, I can adapt. I am definitely experiencing frustrations with having evidence of my accomplishments and people refusing to see them, or acknowledge my worth. I also feel held back and unable to progress in my job, currently, and this was probably a bit of a manifestation of my desire to be given the new auditor position they are creating, and knowing that it probably won't happen because, despite my knowledge and abilities and having been there 2.5 years, I am one of the two newest hires in our section of the department. I don't really care that much about money, but I know a significant raise would assist me in a speedier arrival at achieving all of my fiscal goals. While I am eternally grateful for the help I have received from those around me, I am tired of lingering under the miasma of debt without immediate purpose.
The girls and I had a good day yesterday. My baby was so exhausted from fun and activities that she slept through the night without waking once and was quite the delirious and ornery lunatic prior to going to sleep. I gave them plums for breakfast at the house, and then we went to Dunkin Donuts and they each had a doughnut. (I told my oldest that twice a month, after I got my paycheck, we could have a small breakfast out, and an evening meal at a restaurant.) Then we went down to the market by the river that takes place every Saturday morning from spring through fall. We bought some rosemary bread, and some fancy popcorn. They petted about 20 dogs. Then I stumbled upon a sale of handsewn or embroidered children's clothes for $3 each and bought the girls some cute stuff, including a Holly Hobby dress and a Disgust t-shirt (with sequin hair!). I was able to pay for it after I rescued the fistfuls of silver necklaces that my magpie baby had captured and attempted to run off with. On our way back to the car, we purchased a little purple succulent plant (they didn't want a green one), which was thankfully sturdy enough to survive the bag ride my baby gave it. We got our traditional pina colada drink, the baby had a meltdown until I told her she was upsetting the doggies around her, and then we got some flavored honey sticks (and a small honey bear for their dad) and sat on the stairs of the old bank building for a while. Then, I had to strongarm hold the baby to the car as she shrieked and wailed that she "I no wanta nap! I don't!" and wrestled her into the car sear and got her to drink some water as she snuffled. She calmed down once I reminded her we were going to the park to have our picnic. I had packed little half sandwiches of cracked pepper turkey breast with either provolone or colby jack cheese, on honey wheat bread, and had brought some small bags of chips. The girls ran and ran over the grassy field and the oldest gave pointers to the man playing disc golf, mainly as to how many times he missed. Then we packed everything up and went home for naps, which were sorely needed. After naps, we went down to the local bookstore for Indie Book Store Day, where the girls scored 5 children's books, including a Darkwing Duck Little Golden Book, which I didn't even know existed. Then we went and had dinner at Applebee's per my eldest's request, and came home to watch Kubo and the Two Strings, which is amazing. We played the soundtrack for their bedtime music. The baby went down first and the eldest and I stayed up talking and drinking hot cocoa for a moment.
It was a good day. We had plans for more playground and park today (a different location) but I've just been informed that someone is changing those plans. I wish people would sit and talk things out instead of just deciding that what they want to happen at any given moment is the only right and true option. Communication, or the attempt at such, should not be so exhausting or difficult.
I hope you have a beautiful day.
No comments:
Post a Comment