Let's ruminate for a moment on boundaries. There are so many ways boundaries can be set: personally, mentally, physically, geographically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. and so forth. Some boundaries are marked, others are insinuated; some boundaries come with doors and windows, entrances and exits, while others are complete enclosures, built from the inside out.
Boundaries are also, at least for me, very malleable things. The older I get, the more my boundaries subtly change their shape and structure. Sometimes I wonder if it will be a lifetime project for me, getting my boundary lines in the exact place and exact style that I want them to be in. One minute I want a structure of stone, but then later it becomes wood, and then later it becomes flowers. Sometimes I tear my boundaries down, then hastily rebuild them. Sometime I just knock a portion of the boundary out and peek around for a while until I figure out what the next step is. Some boundaries are still just fences I sit on, not yet ready to commit to one side or the other.
..and then, of course, you have to deal with all of the other boundaries, or lack thereof, when it comes to the people who inhabit the world around you.
Expecting my second child, or as it enters my mind, becoming a mom for the second time, is causing all of my boundaries to shift and change again. Some of them are reverting back to former positions they've been out of for almost 3 years now, realizing strengths once held. Others are falling down as old fears are faced and enemies are found to be less in presence than once expected.
Part of my problem with writing, I now see, stems from the fact that when my boundaries started to shift, it left me feeling unsure of where to put my verbal feet. I feel like I'm heading back onto the edges of some sort of pathway, now, and hopefully this alphabetic drought will end soon and everything will be less awkward.
Oh, and lest I forget to mention it, the second Maiden has a due date of Easter Sunday, so she shall probably be here Good Friday. What an apt time for new beginnings.
Boundaries are also, at least for me, very malleable things. The older I get, the more my boundaries subtly change their shape and structure. Sometimes I wonder if it will be a lifetime project for me, getting my boundary lines in the exact place and exact style that I want them to be in. One minute I want a structure of stone, but then later it becomes wood, and then later it becomes flowers. Sometimes I tear my boundaries down, then hastily rebuild them. Sometime I just knock a portion of the boundary out and peek around for a while until I figure out what the next step is. Some boundaries are still just fences I sit on, not yet ready to commit to one side or the other.
..and then, of course, you have to deal with all of the other boundaries, or lack thereof, when it comes to the people who inhabit the world around you.
Expecting my second child, or as it enters my mind, becoming a mom for the second time, is causing all of my boundaries to shift and change again. Some of them are reverting back to former positions they've been out of for almost 3 years now, realizing strengths once held. Others are falling down as old fears are faced and enemies are found to be less in presence than once expected.
Part of my problem with writing, I now see, stems from the fact that when my boundaries started to shift, it left me feeling unsure of where to put my verbal feet. I feel like I'm heading back onto the edges of some sort of pathway, now, and hopefully this alphabetic drought will end soon and everything will be less awkward.
Oh, and lest I forget to mention it, the second Maiden has a due date of Easter Sunday, so she shall probably be here Good Friday. What an apt time for new beginnings.
No comments:
Post a Comment